The Tring Tring Business

Now that Yours Truly is held up with preparing the succeeding episodes of "Nut & Bolt @ The Hut", Boltu is now stepping in to add to the next series of events. Not even a day after having thought of The Sundry as a magnanimous personality, did I realize how difficult it is really going to be to reach The Hut. Noone in our neighbourhood even had the remote idea of The Hut's location. Voila, Nut & Bolt were left with no other alternative other than calling up The Hut. But whom to contact? And who should call first? B&N were confused. The Superman-i Sundry now enters to their rescue. B&N should negotiate with an efficient HR person of the Hut -Mr. Big P.

Mr. Big P was in charge of the HR section, B&N were told. Boltu called him first over the phone. She somehow flopped the whole conversation by missing out on a lot of important queries w.r.t the one month Excursion (including some most important questions like provision of lunch and Tiffin allowance, dress code, work timings and other compliance procedures of The Hut!). Sans doubt, Nut called him next. B&N were prepared this time. They had their doubts written down on a paper. Only a few doubts, only on a long sheet, the sheet was full!!

Nut's conversation with Mr. Big P had a great effect. Mr. Big P had gotten familiarized with her name. (Er, sorry , her place of residence!) But how sad, even Nut had forgotten to ask the great genius staff of The Hut about the Bus Route to that village where The Hut was located.

Not again!! But Boltu had to. She called the Big B, oops, the Big P again. After having gotten totally confused by the technically complicated routes dictated to her by the genius, Boltu came up with a final question.. "Don’t your company buses ply inside the city?" She finally gets the most exciting piece of information that The Hut runs its own buses, but only within its specified limits (Which of course did not cover the Wohnort of B&N!). Poosh, Boltu gave it a second thought. Why has she unnecessarily dragged in her innocent classmate Nut, without knowing that so much of complications existed? They can't back out. Sundry had already put her heart, soul, kidney, liver, intestine, lungs and pancreas into it.

According to the Entrepreneurial mind of Ms. Sundry, the efficient performance of the two efficient students at the most efficient Hut would fetch Pig sty a diamond opportunity of The Hut coming back again to Pig Sty for more pigs, no no, for more Huts, oh no, for more Big Ps, well, for some-thing more. I'm as confused as the Sundry's logic! Is The Hut so idiotic as to judge the whole Pig Sty by watching the performance of just two people? Who knows, probably Sundry thought the random sampling technique may apply here.

Back to Boltu's tring tring with Mr. Big P. Boltu was told that they had to wait for another week to enter the Hut, as the Superior Genius of the Hut's HR section had gone out of the town. Only after he signs the approving letter, would B&N be able to enter the Hut. Though Mr. Big P kept on telling some valuable facts like these, Boltu is engrossed in her thoughts of visualizing how Mr. Big P would look! After all, as Nut had pointed out earlier, Boltu was keen on entering the Hut and tearing its roof! The final line of the telephonic conversation is the crux of this post. That single line was the sole inspiration of naming (nick naming) Mr. Big P. Bolt finally says "Thank you sir. Sorry for having disturbed you." Big P immediately resumes and says, "That’s alright. By the way, how will the lady from Numgambakkam come to The Hut? Tell her also the routes I told you". Mr. Big P had forgotten Nut's name and remembered only where she lived. Credit goes to the full sheet paper of questions! Boltu almost bit her tongue trying to control her laughter. The Pathetic Ladies!! After having spoken to Nut a couple of times, Mr. Big P did not remember her name. How efficient! Here we go, B&N named him Big Punnaku (Big P in short).

The later episodes would throw light on B&N's practical encountering with Mr. Big P, where they really felt that he should be Encountered'. Well, get ready for an exciting Journey in our next episode, which would take you through the 100 feet smooth, well laid and polished marble roads leading to the Hut -The road not travelled!

The Assistance of All & Sundry: Or, How It All Began

Being a student trying to complete her under-graduation at the eponymous Pig Sty, it becomes a necessary part of our curriculum to complete 2 months of an internship at any company of our choice. Suffice to say, that statement is ridden with loopholes (the problems with this system are better explained here).

However, there are those of us who try to make the most of our (cough) experience here, and hence make an attempt at securing a good internship. One such person was Boltu. She was under the (mistaken) impression that our great and most prosperous institution had the resources to help sincerely interested students, and that if one were to express such interest as previously described, one may use those resources to further one's interests. Hence the introduction of The Sundry to our story.

Sundry (who is dealt with in mesmerizing detail here) happens to be in charge of what is perhaps the most malfunctioning machination of the erudite and scholarly administrators of Pig Sty as an essential part of its infrastructure - The Placement Cell. The purpose of this (largely dysfunctional and bureaucratic) hybrid body is to obtain corporate placements for us final year students, so that we may step into the dark and unexplored territory of The Working World. If you wish to see a paragon of exceptional mismanagement and utter failure to achieve set objectives, step right up, folks! That's how bad it actually is. However, back when the events being described here were unfolding like that most marvelous and fragrant of all flowers, Rafflesia (the comparison to an endoparasite being relevant on many levels), we actually believed that this was the only properly functioning wing of this most beauteous of institutions, Pig Sty.

To get back on track (the author can exposit volumes upon the various virtues of Pig Sty, but the purpose of this blog has been defined towards greater achievements), believing that heading a highly successful placement cell would have left Sundry with valuable experience that could prove useful in obtaining internship placements, Boltu in one of her less-prided moments in her life so far approached The Sundry for assistance. Mark this, my readers, for it is an event of much importance, resulting in the creation of an indelible mark upon both our consciences (and our CVs).

Sundry in her usual fashion responded to Boltu after a short period, stating that she had secured her a position that was {begin dispensation of useless platitudes;} a great honour, providing invaluable experience, unparalleled exposure and highly competitive compensation. {/end;;} Boltu, obviously excited by the sounds of this opportunity (back then, she was a highly impressionable and guillible believer of Pig Sty's propaganda - we've all been there), pounced upon it eagerly and questioned Sundry as to the company and the location.

Only after many "That place, ma,"s and "That only,"s did Boltu truly realize the various difficulties to be associated with this expedition - for that was what it was, an expedition into the great unknowns, a trip into the lesser-known parts of this great city, an excursion into: Huttambakkam.

The only condition: she had to rope in another poor, believing soul that was (in Sundry's words) sincere to her work, motivated, ambitious and interested. In other words: equally gullible. I don't need to spell out who she turned to.

You see, we, Boltu and myself, had a long history spanning two very significant portions of our lives at Pig Sty - the IDE and the SLC: code words for "more crap from another department" and "crap we piled on ourselves". Having waded through that much of crap together, and already having prior experience at 'naming' The Toilet Cleaner and The Sundry, it was natural that Boltu thought of Yours Truly to accompany her on this momentous foray into Hutambakkam. Yours Truly, being the naive, gullible little goldfish she is, with brains that couldn't keep up with a fruit fly, leaped eagerly at the wonderful opportunity she was being given. Surely, this was what she would look back on later and say, That was why it was worth enduring the stench of Pig Sty for 3 years? Surely, this would be a valuable bullet point on her CV? Surely, this would change her life for the better?

Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add - surely, it did. Not.

Next edition: The Reconnaissance Mission.